My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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