Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
