apparently the secret to your success is patron
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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