Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
