saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My liver just had a heart attack.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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