did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
