Will you blow on my dice?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wear drunk well.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
