Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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