Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
