I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
