I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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