if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
