I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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