it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you had me at cake vodka
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
