How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
