also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
