Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
