you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
