You're completely useless in the revolution.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize