One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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