He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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