She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
