He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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