I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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