You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
