So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
