sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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