I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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