She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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