the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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