There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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