So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
