hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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