I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
