I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester