No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..