just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.