I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.