the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking