i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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