Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
