I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
