Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
