TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
