K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
