just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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