I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
