When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
