Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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