I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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