Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
