can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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