I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
