She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
