I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
