we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
