12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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