I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
