In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
