I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How's work?
Spinning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
