You work out of a Hotel?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
