if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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