so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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