I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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