She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
