Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
