I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
