Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
