Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i drank out of a bidet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
