you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
