Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
