i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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