i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
