Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
