you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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